I’m in the thick of it. The weeds.

Counts are zero. Hair is falling out again. My baby turned 3 and I had to watch on FaceTime. (“counts” refers to blood counts: How many red, white and platelet blood cells are in my body)

I was re-admitted back to the hospital yesterday because I was feeling lousy and running a fever. In my world of no immune system, fevers are taken very seriously. A series of testing is done to rule out any type of virus or infection. Right now my MD thinks it is a neutropenic fever. This isn’t great but it’s also pretty common and expected for my stage of treatment. I have to be fever free for 24 hours to be able to go home.

Days +10 through +20 are expected to be my hardest. Lousiest. Around Day +20 my counts will start to recover, my stem cells will have started to “engraft” and I will slowly start feeling better. I appreciate all the prayer support during this time.

I’ve been doing a devotional called Treasures in the Dark, by Katherine Wolf since the stem cell journey began. Below is an excerpt from one of entries:

“What parts of your life could withstand a category 5 hurricane? At the core of your soul, there is an indestructible something, an unyielding reality that you are loved, seen and provided for by God”

On days where I feel like a ghost watching my life happen without me; I am loved, seen and provided for by God

On days where missing my children is unbearable; I am loved, seen and provided for by God.

On days where I am surrounded by these beige sterile walls; I am loved, seen and provided for by God.

On days where I just want to be affectionate with my husband; I am loved, seen and provided for by God.

I hope you all can see that too when life’s storms make their way in to your life.

Thank you for being a part of my healing journey,

Danielle