Since we got the call on Monday our foot has not left the accelerator. We had been in such a “hurry up and wait” stance for the entire summer that the revelation of the dates felt catastrophic. I have sobbed every day this week. Every day. That’s not for dramatic impact. It’s the result of stuffing the thoughts and emotions associated with a stem cell transplant for the entire summer. Which I did and would do again for my sanity’s sake and my children’s sake.

Your support has been overwhelming, in the most positive sense of the word. Our “wish list” has been cleared because of you. Not only that, but we’ve received additional support that has allowed us to do these things:

• buy a couch for the condo in Nashville
• give the kids each a special Build a Bear with my voice recording for them to have while I’m away
• Special “mom mail” stationary for me to write them every day that I’m away
• Plan/have special outings with each child before I leave
• Update our family pictures before I leave
• Give Emily an early birthday party- I will miss her birthday at the end of August

These are priceless things. Absolutely priceless. Thank you

This weekend and upcoming week are very busy trying to schedule everything that needs to be done but also trying to take a moment and breathe in the last few days of being all together. All the mask free, germy hugs I can get.

I’m grieving the loss of being absent. The platitude here is “you’ll miss things short term so you won’t be have to miss them long term.” Yep, I know. My head knows this, it’s my heart who needs convincing. We broke Jacob’s heart when we told him and will destroy Annie’s when I have to tell her. I haven’t yet. I.JUST.CAN’T. Please pray for strength for these conversations.

Please have grace with me. I’m not in a place where I can openly talk (in person) about this experience without completely falling a part.

Important Dates:

August 2– Repeat PET scan and 6 wk ovary screen

August 4– Move day to the Nashville condo.

August 5– Pre-admission (I will come home to my family this night)

August 6– Port removal and central line placement (I will also most likely come home after this outpatient surgery)

August 7– Chemo conditioning begins. (This is when I will start spending the night in Nashville)

Also, seriously need some low energy hobbies. Anyone have any ideas?!?!

Thank you for being a part of my healing journey,

Danielle