January 2024 was destined to be a month of new adventures for us. We had just bought a house in Arizona due to a relocation for Cullen’s job and were making plans to spend one last Christmas in TN before starting our new chapter out west.

The same week our house offer was accepted, I got a different phone call. I was diagnosed with a rare subtype of non hodgkin’s lymphoma. Spoiler alert, we are not moving. December 2023 all of a sudden didn’t feel merry anymore. It was a whirlwind of doctor’s appointments, additional testing, second and third opinions. All the while, still caring for our three young kids and trying to create the Christmas magic they deserved.

Something you may not know about me is that I’m not a stranger to this world. I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer at 15 and treated with surgery and chemotherapy. For 21 years I have lived with that past and worked hard to never let it define me. I went to college, got a graduate degree, interned with my dream job, got married to the love of my life, had three beautiful SURPRISE miracle babies that every doctor I knew told me I wouldn’t have.

I am angry.

I’m angry I’m here again.

But if my therapist training has taught me anything, it’s that anger directed the right way is FUEL.

This experience is not like the last. Resiliency came easy to me back then. I was a child with an adult cancer, getting treatment in an adult hospital with adults making all my medical decisions. This time I am an adult with a family I am fiercely trying to protect. I am finding that I’m having to REIMAGINE resilience. Find peace with God and fight like hell.

If you came here for a bedtime story about inspiration. I’m sorry, you’re not going to find any cliches or platitudes from me.

If you came here for real, raw and unfiltered grit as a I wrestle with my faith and reimagine what its going to take to survive this for my family then, welcome friend. I want to connect to moms, especially others fighting the same battle. Survivorship stories are essential to feed hope that I too, can achieve that status. I’ll use this medium to also post updates about treatment for those of you who I don’t get to speak to or see often.

A word of immense gratitude to the close friends and family who have stepped up this month, often with minutes notice, to support needs that we have. I know I cannot do this alone and it’s not lost on me the gift from God you all are. It’s also not lost on me how hard it is to ask for help. Thank you for making it easier.

Thank you all for being a part of this healing journey.

Let’s go to work